Thursday, June 23, 2011

update - I've Moved!

just a head's up in case you hadn't missed me yet (or already visited at my new home) ;) but I've moved! you can now find me over at my new site http://mylifeasanofficerswife.com - I'm still remembering where I put things and starting to decorate, but the furniture is arranged and my name is on the door :) I'm loving the new place and how easy it is to converse with the neighbors ;) Stop in to visit when you have time! My door is always open ;)

Monday, May 16, 2011

making the move to WordPress

hey folks, I've gotten a bit tired of blogging on two separate blogs, so I'm currently in transition of moving from blogger to wordpress - I bought  my own domain "mylifeasanofficerswife.com" and got an amazing deal through a twitter/blog friend (Kate @ MommyMonologues) for a year of hosting through dreamhosters - so while the url currently still points you right back to MLAAOW on blogger - as soon as the move is finished (Kate is still moving posts & comments right now, and I'm designing myself a new header) I'll soon be blogging at WordPress - I'm excited to have a blog that will allow me a little more control over the appearance of my blog, and also allow me to respond/communicate easier with my readers (my numbers may be small, but I appreciate every single one of you!!) ;)

Hope to see you soon at http://mylifeasanofficerswife.com at WordPress :)

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Where the Blog Magic Happens...

I'm linking up to MamaKat's pretty much world famous Writer's Workshop and I chose to do the Bonus Vlog Option! (Last week we talked about how your blog got it's name...this week show us where the magic happens! Where do you do your blogging? When does it get done? How long does it take to write a post? How much time do you spend on the computer? etc. Tell us about the process!)





Once again, a rambling mess. This time complete with motion-blur, wonky-sound, and bags under my eyes... not to mention bad lighting. Unfortunately, I didn't have a cute singing toddler to raise the ratings this week as she was already in bed busy playing with a friend, (did I mention it took FOUR tries before I was able to record an entire video without a major toddler interruption?) but hopefully you can bear with me anyway... and let me show you where the magic happens :)

PS - I totally would have vlogged this from work, but I don't have a webcam there, and most likely if I snuck my laptop into work with me, I would have eleventybillion people walking through or calling while I was trying to record, so you only get to see half the magic... sorry ;)

Monday, May 2, 2011

Dora DVD Giveaway!!

Okay, so Tammi over at My Organized Chaos is having a giveaway - and while I sometimes enter giveaways, and I sometimes don't - based on my level of interest, this one I'm DEFINITELY entering!! Tammi is giving away (to two lucky readers!) a Dora the Explorer: It's Haircut Day DVD!! and in case anyone doesn't already know - Goose is a HUGE Dora fan... I mean HUGE!! When she wakes up in the morning (especially on weekends!) she said "I watch Doha Momma?" and when we get home from work/daycare she says "I watch Doha Momma!" and if I haven't caved already and turned it on while making dinner, when she gets in her booster seat she asks "I watch Doha Momma?" and if I still haven't caved - before bed she asks again "I watch Doha Momma?" Seriously. My kid LOVES Dora.

Actually, Dora is currently one of only TWO characters we've bought any "character items" of at our house... She has a few Dora DVD's (Christmas, birthday, just because & Easter presents) she has Dora books (for those same events) she has a Dora toothbrush, a Dora sippy cup, and a few hand-me-down/second-hand-shop/Mom2MomSale purchased Dora shirts/jammies... she loves Dora. (The other character, if you're wondering - is Tinkerbell. She has light-up Tink shoes, and a Tink card table & chairs - which is actually still in the box in the garage, as we bought it as a Christmas or birthday gift - and she STILL has enough other stuff and little room that it just hasn't been opened yet - she doesn't even know she has it! Of course, she IS only two...)

ANYWAY - if you have little ones that love Dora and you want a chance to win a Dora DVD (it has 4 episodes including Boots' first haircut, the Super Babies' 1st birthday, and two others... I don't remember what they were though - go check the giveaway to find out!) If you don't win - you can purchase it on Amazon for a discounted price :)

what are you waiting for?? GO ENTER!!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Inspiration Behind the Blog Title...

I'm linking up to MamaKat's pretty much world famous Writer's Workshop and I chose to do the Bonus Vlog Option! (Tell us the story behind the title of your blog. What is it? What inspired it? What other options did you consider? Are you happy with it?)



Pretty much a rambling mess, with special appearances by a singing toddler and lazy dog... please excuse the interruptions, as well as the length... once Goose starts singing her ABC's there isn't much left to see/hear... just me trying to wrap it up... and then Goose interrupting with Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star... so yeah.

Thanks for watching my very first (and possibly last?) ever vlog...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

the things she says & does...

I can't believe how fast Goose is growing... it seems like it was only yesterday that she was gurgling, blowing bubbles, jabbering-in-non-English in my arms... and now she's closing in on two and a half and speaking more words, more clearly... mimicking Hubs & I... coming up with her own sentences... turning into Little Miss Independent... it's so hard to believe, and while I'm at times saddened by the fact that my baby girl is growing up, I'm also thrilled at how smart and sassy she's becoming... although at times, a little too sassy it seems... the things that come out of her mouth these days are often hilarious, and often Hubs & I are trying to hide smiles or chuckles when she says or does something that we really don't want her repeating... here is a small sampling of life with an ever-evolving Goose:

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while pinching my fingers in a hairclip I pretended that it hurt, saying "ow Goose! that hurts Momma's hand!" she then removed it from my hand, kissed my "owie" patted my hand and said, in perfect toddler-English "you okay swee-heart, you okay"



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while in the shower with me as I turned to wash my face, leaving her standing in the opposite end of the tub playing with her toys (or so I thought) - she hits my bum and then says "you butt wiggow Momma"

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 while snuggling with me in bed one morning she wrapped her arms tight around my neck and said "you my mommy"

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wanting to be picked up while going out to the car "Goose hold you Momma"

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when turning off cartoons at night before bed or in the morning before going to daycare "night night Dora, night night Boots, night night Benny, night night Issa, night night Tiko!" or "bye bye Phins an' Ferb"

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asking to have a ponytail like Momma "I want pony, Momma!!"

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upon bursting into the bathroom to find me unwrapping an always with wings "you have owie Momma?"

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I'm just thankful at this point that she hasn't repeated any curses (which we try to keep to a minimum, but still... ya know how it goes!) and that she wasn't asking for an ACTUAL pony.

Friday, April 8, 2011

helpless...

disclaimer: this post may not be for anyone with a weak stomach... it's not graphic, but still.

for the second week in a row I had to call in to work (on a FRIDAY!!) because Goose was/is sick... last week she started with a low fever, which turned into a higher fever (lingered between 102-103 degrees) refusal to eat anything, and two episodes of vomiting on Thursday night. Friday we went to the doctor, she tested negative for strep, was diagnosed with a stomach bug & prescribed rest & hydration... by Friday night her fever had broken and she was running around like normal on Saturday...

yesterday was Hubs' day off so he picked Goose up from daycare, ran an errand & arrived home shortly after me... that was about 24 hours ago... not even 10 minutes after they had arrived home she got sick while coloring (we lost a book from a friend & a photobook I made of her first year in that incident).... and while she's been sipping water & milk (her choice - ick! I hate milk when it comes back up all curdled - eww eww eww.) and even managed to get a few crackers down... but nothing stays down for long... and the process (of vomiting) terrifies her... she looks at me with her eyes all wide and scared, and then after she cries like her heart is broken... I HATE feeling helpless... I wish I could take her in to be checked out and have them magically give her something to help, but I know (from last week and others' recent experiences) that there really isn't anything they can do - other than give her IV fluids if she becomes dehydrated... which I'm doing my best to prevent... but I just can't stand doing nothing.... 24 hours of my Goose being miserable, vomiting, a few diarrhea diapers... ugh. it sucks. thankfully this time there's no fever, but it doesn't make me feel any less helpless... *sigh* hoping & praying she gets over this quickly... we need a shower... or three.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

It's Sunday Funday!

Didn't get in enough partying blog reading this weekend? Not quite ready to hang up your party pants? Then check out my friend Carri's first ever Sunday Funday over at Adventures in Mommyhood! Carri is crazy hilarious and one of my all time favorite people to read and tweet with. 








We're all linking up our favorite posts of the week, so grab the button from her site and join the linky party! Don't want to link up? That's cool! You still get the opportunity to check out some really cool, funny, and talented writers.

So grab your mimosa or your bloody Mary, and get to reading!

SOC Sunday: I count to three...

This is my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by all.things.fadra. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.


INTRO: this may be quite a jumbled post as I have a toddler clinging to my arm - although she really wants to hold my hand... we'll see how it goes... timer... ready... and... GO!

"one"... "two"... my voice is low & stern... and sometimes I don't even get to "two" before Goose decides she's going to comply with my (unreasonable?) demands... "Goose, please pick your crayons up off the floor and put them back on the table" or "Goose, stop jumping on the couch!" and I always follow it up with a "thank you Goose! good listening!" but really... I can't help but think of what my dad always says when my sister or I (or my mom) "counts"... "why are you counting?? you're just giving them time to think about whether or not to obey the rules" and while I somewhat think he has a point (I mean, yeah, does have a point, I shouldn't have to ask her to do something eleventy billion times before she actually does it) but also - she's two... she's easily distracted, she's more into playing and having fun than picking up her toys, crayons, or worrying about her own safety... so I guess I see the counting as more of a way to get her attention than giving her a chance to decide if she's going to do as I've asked or not.... 

do you count??

Friday, March 11, 2011

like it was yesterday...

I sit here today, on March 11th, 2011 and think back to what I was doing 10 years right now... at this exact time I was either at work, or headed there shortly... having just finished my sister's birthday party, as she would be leaving to go back to college almost an hour and a half away in a few short hours... the whole family was over just hanging out... I remember hanging out in her room, my cousin AD and I... laying on our bellies looking at a yearbook, just talking. Talking about how things were going for him at school his sophomore year... how he & his girlfriend had broken up a week earlier, but he thought that they were getting back together, maybe even that night... we talked (again) about how I was going to pay the additional fee to get his license plate personalized, just as soon as he decided what he wanted it to say... we talked, as we had many times before, of the tattoo I was going to buy him for his 18th birthday... just a year and a half away... we hung out, had fun, I hugged him tight as he left that afternoon... I remember thinking how my cute little cousin had grown... he had grown into a charming, handsome, respectful, wonderful, funny young man... and wondering how it happened so fast...

I remember later that night... somewhere around 10:30ish when I got out of work, thinking "hey, maybe I'll swing over and hang out with AD before heading home" and then dismissing the idea in favor of a little extra time at my boyfriend (now hub's) house with him... I remember it being close to midnight, knowing that I was going to be late for my midnight curfew and calling to tell my parents without getting an answer... I remember being confused, wondering where in the world they would be near midnight on a Sunday... and then the chiming of my cell phone as it rang, my dad on the other end, telling me that he & my mom were on their way to the hospital, because AD had been in an accident... my dad asking if I wanted them to come get me... I was shaking, asking questions, getting little in the way of answers... "who was with him? was he alone? what happened?" ... my phone rang again a few minutes later, my mom - asking for bf/Hubs... telling him they were already half-way there, could he bring me over instead?

I don't remember how, but my sister's best friend ended up riding over with us...or maybe she didn't... that's fuzzy to me... Hubs driving, L in the backseat?, me curled up & rocking in the passenger seat... crying. praying. Hubs telling me that AD was going to be fine... everything was going to be fine. We entered through the ER doors, and were directed to registration... I was half-running, blindly, terrified. At the registration desk we found my dad, with my aunt - she jumped up to hug me crying, shaking her head as I asked "where is he?" and hearing "he isn't here yet" I was stunned - "what do you mean he's not here yet? where WAS he?" and my dad... pulling me away, out of the registration area, toward the main entrance, as he hugged me and said "he didn't make it Rus" in my head I hear these words again... I hear the echoes of my screams of "no! no daddy! no!" I hear him telling Hubs "get her out of here!" he didn't want my aunt to hear me... standing outside in the cold were my mom, and her other sister - they were trying to reach my cousin, who attended the same college as my sister... K is three years older, and they thought it would be best if my sister heard the news in person... K & his girlfriend were already making plans to head over to get/tell my sister, then head for the hospital... on our way out, we passed my cousin AJ and his girlfriend's father - AD's big brother... he didn't know yet... I can only imagine what seeing us must have been like for him... terrifying possibly.

I remember the rest of the hospital time-period, hanging out in a waiting room, surrounded by family, even my dad's family came to sit with us as we waited for his body to arrive... finally being allowed in to see him, how pale and still he was - this 16 year old athlete, so full of life, love, laughter... still. cold. even through the devastation there were a few smiles - as AJ squeezed AD's arm and the reflex made his hand squeeze my sister's... she about shit herself... the smiles were few & far between over the next few days, and the tears many, but the stories we told... the stories people told at his memorial service - which had to be held in the high school gymnasium to fit all those attending... all of us cousins, and some aunts and uncles, wore jeans with Metal Band Tshirts... it was what he would have wanted... we watched VHS tapes of him playing his bass guitar to "Eye of The Tiger" during the visitations, and a slideshow of photos at the service...


his headstone carries his last school photo... that sophomore year... the graphics etched in the stone include a guitar, basketball, football, track shoes... the inscription, "son, brother, friend"... it was 10 years ago today that we lost one of the most special people to have ever walked the earth... the most beloved in our family, maybe even his school... he was just that special... he was four years younger than I, but he was my best friend... and the ache in my heart today, doesn't feel ten years old... it doesn't feel like it was ten years ago that my heart broke... it feels like it was yesterday.

loving and missing you so much today, as always AD. Rock In Peace.
~ADH 11.12.1984-3.11.2001~

Sunday, February 27, 2011

SOC Sunday: one or three??

This is my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by all.things.fadra. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.


INTRO: This brain dump is brought on by a connversation Hubs and I have repeatedly had over the past several years... and again just this past week... timer... ready... and... GO!

I am one of two children, my sister is 19mos younger than I am, and for the most part, it was an awesome way to grow up. We had our fights and jealousies at times, but we've always been super close, and we're best friends. Hubs is the youngest (and only boy) of three... he & his sisters aren't super close, but Hubs is kinda antisocial and a homebody, so that's partly to blame I think ;) All growing up I've always wanted two kids. I didn't want an only child, because I loved having a sibling, but I didn't want three, as I thought one would always be left out... so I'd decided long ago, two kids was it. Well, Hubs has always said "one, or three" and I still don't get his logic... I mean, his logic for wanting three (excuse his cynical morbid cop-brain) is that if something were to happen to one of them, they wouldn't be left alone... okay, I guess I can see where that would be "logical" if you think like that (I don't generally, and I've had a LOT of tragic way-too-early deaths in my family) but then where does that leave us if we were to have one child? if something happens to that ONE child - then what are we left with?? and why would anyone want that?? (*not why would someone want just one child, why one child when you think like Hubs does...)

wow. time went faster than my fingers...

Monday, February 14, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Who Do You Choose?

This is my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by all.things.fadra. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.


INTRO: This brain dump is brought on by a blog I recently came upon written by a woman who lost her sister & brother in law in a car accident, with their 6wk old infant being the only survivor... she, and her husband, are now raising their niece, along with their two children... also contributing - the movie Life As We Know It which I watched twice on Friday night... these things have been swirling through my head, time to dump them out, and see if I've learned anything I guess... timer... ready... and... GO!

so we haven't drawn up a will or anything... when Goose was new still we started a Living Trust - but then we got to some of the tough questions, like "who will raise your child if you both die" type questions, and that's when we stopped... Goose just turned two, and we haven't finished the LT... which freaks me out a bit. I don't want to be morbid or anything, but honestly - car accidents, shootings, freak accidents... they happen every day... plus, Hubs is a cop. I mean, c'mon... he puts his life on the line every single day - for real. the chances of something happening to both of us are slimmer, but still there... I know who I want to raise Goose if that ever happens, but we don't have it in writing... and we should. Not only for Goose's protection, but for the peace of mind it will give us... I don't want the courts to get her, not for one single second... I want her with those who love her best, aside from us of course... time to just do it. stop stalling,

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Guilty

This is my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by all.things.fadra. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Guilty. that's how I'm feeling right now. for several different reasons. earlier I had a few brief moments of jealousy for people who aren't wives and mothers. people who can actually be selfish, put themselves first, do what THEY want to do, instead of what their spouse or children need/want of them. I know that this happens to lots of people, and it only lasted for a few moments, but the guilt part? this jealousy thing - was brought on by a teeny-bopper kids show on Disney that caught my attention... and Goose - she wanted to watch Dora. seriously? SERIOUSLY? I'm throwing a hissy fit over a DISNEY show? ugh. what in the world have I become. but the guilt actually then got worse. because a few minutes later as I rocked my Goose to sleep for her nap, I started thinking about all of my friends, family, and so many acquaintances who would kill to be in my shoes. I thought of my sister, who just before Christmas miscarried her second child...

*holy crap that went by fast.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

a mother's worst fear...

This is my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post hosted by all.things.fadra. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

I'm apologizing in advance for yet another depressing post... wow three in a row, that must be a record for me... I suck.

I found out this morning that a friend and former co-worker of my sister is currently at the hospital with her teenage son who was in a car accident last night... a very, very, bad car accident. He was with 4 other teenagers, and the vehicle hit a tree at 120mph. The driver was drunk and has been arrested, but apparently walked away without serious injuries... the passenger was also released from the hospital today... the other two teenagers in the backseat with the friend's son were killed, and the friend's son? was ejected from the car and thrown 30 feet. he's currently on life support. the doctor's say he has no brain activity and he's messed up pretty bad... he's a senior in high school... and his mom may soon have to make the decision to take him off life support... it's a double hit of a mother's worst fear... not only the loss of a child, but having to decide not to continue the life-saving machines that are keeping him alive...

my heart absolutely breaks for her... my prayers are with her and their family, and I'm wishing for a miracle for them. God provides miracles every day, so I'm not giving up hope yet. He will do as He sees fit, and I'm praying that He surrounds the family with His love in this difficult, heartbreaking time.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

sometimes I can't stop them...

the fears... and the tears... yesterday I blogged about how the fear gets me from the perspective of the "cop's wife" part of me... this post was brought on by the recent fatalities of Law Enforcement Officers - LEO's - all over the country... 11 (or was it 13?) in just 24 hours? 15 fatalities of LEO's already this year? You can read that post if you'd like HERE. and then last night? I had a dream... I only remember parts of it... but they are the worst parts... the parts I remember... the parts that bring the fear to the surface...

in this dream I'm not getting "the call" or a visit from other officers telling me that hubs isn't coming home... instead we're at the funeral service, and I'm standing in front of Hubs' casket, holding Goose, who is trying to get out of my arms to snuggle with Papa... Papa who will soon be buried and physically gone... she wants her Papa, wants him to tickle her, pretend to be sleeping only to growl and munch on her little cheeks and under her chin, but he can't... and he never will again. She struggles to reach him, to tickle him, to give him hugs and kisses, but I can't let her... it breaks my heart.


we're home alone... just us two... she's asking me "where Papa go? where Papa go Momma? Papa wook?" and I can't answer... my stomach is in knots... the lump is in my throat... and I don't know what to say... how do I tell her that Papa is gone... she's only 2... how do it I do it... I hold her as I cry... she's so confused... she can't understand... I can't understand...

and then her cries wake me... Hubs is sleeping next to me, the dog is curled up at my feet... I quickly go down the stairs to snuggle my Goose into my arms... and then back upstairs we go, snuggling her into our bed between Papa & Momma... I snuggle her close and drift back off into a dreamless sleep...

most nights I don't dream, or don't remember that I have... but sometimes they come, and they cause me such sadness and pain, so much that it's hard to remember that it is just a dream... and I can't stop them...

Monday, January 24, 2011

Momma FAIL

big.time.FAIL. but let me set-the scene before I tell you how I earned a Worst Mother of The Year Award on Friday night/Saturday morning...

Friday night was Girls Night Out with some friends (the first since Goose was born I think!!) I went to dinner & a movie with several friends (and talked my sister into coming as well) - I think there were about a dozen of us. My friend L & I rode together, as I dropped Goose off at L&C's house to hang out with their toddler Bug until hubs got in from ice fishing and joined them. We did dinner, saw the movie, chatted for a bit afterwards in the car while my sister's car warmed up (it was soooooo cold Friday night!! brrrr!!) and I got home about 12:20am... Goose was asleep in her bed, hubs was watching TV in bed and we were quickly asleep.

At some point I shut off the baby monitor. I have no idea when, but I must have done it, as it was next to me, and on when I went to sleep, but off when we woke up. Keep in mind I was really, really exhausted (my own fault) because I'd been up WAY late every night all week long (stupid Facebook and Twitter addictions, oh and also - books. they get me every time.) so I don't know if it was the exhaustion, the alcohol (kidding, I had most of one mudslide with dinner, nothing else!) or what - but apparently, I turned off the monitor.

4:00am Hubs wakes us both up by sitting up in bed and saying "is that Goose?" there was a faint screaming to be heard from downstairs over the droning sounds of the heater, humidifier and fan - and through the bedroom door. I jump out of bed and head downstairs - bleary-eyed, half asleep, only to notice as I get toward the bottom of the stair well that Goose's bedroom door is open... it was shut when I went to bed... and my poor screaming, terrified Goose was standing in the pitch-black between the living room and kitchen sobbing... she couldn't hear me over her screams, so when she turned to see me she jumped about a mile... I felt horrible... I ran to her and she snuggled into me still sobbing... Hubs was right behind me and he was.not.happy. He tried to take her from me to give her a hug so I could get her sippy of water for her and she screamed and struggled to get out of his arms and back into mine... seriously, the guilt was rough... even worse, Hubs was so angry (because it was the first time he had put her to bed in her own bed, and she woke up like that - he was certain that she would never let him put her to bed again) and he was making comments like "why did you do that?" and "I can't believe you would just shut it off, how long do you think she was screaming for us?" ummm hello? I didn't do it on purpose!! and thanks, I feel badly enough on my own, I don't need any help from YOU in that area.

We took her back to bed with us, and it was at least 30 minutes before she had calmed down enough to get the "hitch" out of her breath... even longer before she succumbed to sleep... I.felt.horrible. Luckily, she's a toddler, and she forgives (and forgets? I'm hoping!!) easily... she napped well in her room on Saturday, slept well in there Saturday night, and did pretty well in there again last night (she woke up at some point and started fussing, and Hubs brought her back to bed with us - but I have no idea what time it was!)

We really don't have any idea how long she was screaming for... she usually stays in her bed until we come get her, but I don't know who long she would have waited, usually we're getting to her within just a minute or two... plus she had opened her door, and gone through the living room to stand near the kitchen (I'm amazed she didn't come upstairs - but thankful! that's why we keep her door shut at night, so she doesn't try to come up & possibly fall down them in the dark) sooo... I 'm hoping it wasn't longer than 15-20 minutes, but with as upset as she was, I can't be sure... also, there's a niggling little feeling in the back of my head that I heard something around 2am... I'm hoping it was my phone indicating an email or something, and not the monitor that I turned off...

sooo... there it is. My big FAIL of the weekend. *sigh* hoping to NOT have another one like that anytime soon...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

731 days ago...

731 days ago I wasn't yet a mom… I was hours away from the moment that my life would forever be altered… 731 days ago I didn't know exactly how much love I could have for one tiny being… I hadn't been pooped on, puked on, cried on, pulled on… I hadn't nursed, cried, comforted and been comforted by one tiny being… 731 days ago I hadn't yet known just how much things would change… how some friends would slip away as our common interests had changed, and how others would form, or grow stronger because of the bonds of motherhood made us into a sisterhood… I didn't know that soon I would give my life for one tiny being if necessary, or that my husband would soon be wrapped around the teeny tiny finger of one tiny being… 731 days ago I wasn't getting up in the night to check on my baby's breathing in the first nights after coming home from the hospital… or during her first sinus infection at 9months old… I didn't know that I would co-sleep with my child for 15months… or still be semi- co-sleeping at 24… I didn't know that the terrible twos would start at 13 months… 731 days ago I didn't know if I'd be able to breastfeed… and if I could, whether or not I would be able to reach my goal of 1 year… I had no idea I'd love the bonding that comes with nursing, or that we'd be successful for 13.5 months… I didn't yet know how my baby's smile, giggle or belly laugh would light up my entire day, or that her cries would bring me to tears as well… I didn't know that my whole world would pivot and revolve solely around her happiness and well-being… 731 days ago I didn't know that hearing "momma I yove you" would melt my heart… or that seeing my husband with my daughter would bring me such joy… I didn't know the fatigue, worry and pain that I would experience during "teething" … or that growth spurts would wreak havoc on our sleep for months and months… I didn't know that one unfortunate day I would cry tears of sorrow over breastmilk that had been left out of the freezer accidentally, or how my husband would truly feel horrible over having caused the tears… 731 days ago I didn't know that I had such a huge capacity for love… and believe me, there's a LOT of love in my family… I didn't know that going overboard buying Christmas and birthday gifts would be so easy to do… I didn't know that my child would be "the biter" at daycare… or that such a wonderful combination of sweet & sassy would be found in my baby girl… 731 days ago I didn't even know that I would be having a baby girl… I didn't know that I would cry from the pain of nursing… or that I would cry when we were done… I didn't know that hearing the cries of my child from the other side of a nursery door would cause so many tears of my own… 731 days ago I didn't know the joys & frustrations of potty training… temper tantrums… toddler independence… I didn't know how much I would miss the newborn smell… the teeny tiny body and snuggles that would be gone so quickly… I didn't know that "time flies, they grow so fast" wasn't only the truth, but understatement … I didn't know how much I would regret not having done certain things when my child was still small… or how much I would learn in such a short amount of time… 731 days ago I wondered if I was prepared for this thing called motherhood… if I was going to be a good mom… if hubs was going to be a good dad.. if I was going to do anything or everything right… 731 days ago there were so many unknowns… and today, 730 days after becoming a mom… there are still so many unknowns, but also many known factors… most important among them: hubs & I are so very blessed to be parents to this child we both love so much. So very blessed. The love of a child is God's greatest gift. This I now know.
Happy 2nd Birthday Goose. You are so very loved.


Love, Momma & Papa