Thursday, September 9, 2010

and I want another one?

yikes. I had thought after the sheer madness of no sleep & clingy cranky toddler we went through the weekend before last that we were due for a break.. yet apparently that isn't the case (and seriously - WHY is it that Goose's WORST nights are always when Hubs is working?? he's pulling OT tonight - and the longest period of time she's slept for is an hour. over the last 3.5 hours. the shortest - 5ish minutes.) and I could really, really use a break one of these nights...ya know, just for a little while, so I can do something ... like sleep. :)

I've tried laying with her, letting her hold my hand, sitting in the rocker/recliner in her room and quietly "shushing" her (yeah. after the 7th or 8th time she climbed out of bed to come stand in front of me - I decided that really wasn't working. huh. I'm clearly brilliant. observant too.) rubbing her back, patting her back...

First I was sympathetic, I held her for a few minutes, calmed her down, had her almost asleep - and then as soon as I laid her down - she was up & crying and reaching for me... Next I tried just rubbing her back and then patting it after she'd nodded off... The next time I sat back in the chair after laying her back in bed and quietly saying "it's time for night-night, lay down Goose, go to sleep"... the time after that I was less patient "Goose - no no. lay down. don't get off that be-NO." *sigh* the time after that I sat there and told her she needed to get back in bed (yeah. it didn't work.) and this last time, just 6 minutes ago - I let her hold my hand while I crouched next to her bed, my feet & toes going numb... and once she'd rolled over still clutching my fingers, I started to slowly extricate them... just a moment ago she moved & whimpered softly... (I heard her on the monitor)...

I texted Hubs - who is blissfully working (okay, I don't know that any cop works blissfully, but in my mind tonight - it's more blissful than dealing with a screaming toddler who refuses to sleep, yes - I do have quite the imagination don't I?) the following message:

"If I'm still asleep in the recliner when you get home will you make sure I get up for work please? your daughter isn't cooperating in the sleep department."

his (humorous, I'm sure.) reply: "no"

mine back: "thanks for nothing"

H: "pshh"

M: "don't pshh me until you've spent multiple nights doing the single parent thing with a toddler who won't sleep for more than an hour - if that. kiss.mine." (yes, I do get irritable when tired. apparently Goose takes after her momma. oh wait, hubs does too. double dose.)

H: "and you want another."

M: "not yet. but yes. and still, kiss my bum right now. be safe. love you."

gotta love the late-night fatigue-induced love-filled texts eh? oh well... I'm wondering though if those will be my famous last words... I want another one?

oh, I remember. I'm thinking that I want Goose to grow up with her very own built-in best friend like I had... someone to play, fight, laugh & cry with... someone who will always love her - and she them, even if they don't like each other sometimes... someone who will be there for her, through the good times and bad times, the thick & thin, someone to stand up for, and who will also have her back... someone to bring even more love & joy into all of our lives... THAT is what I am thinking...

ya know, in a while... after Goose is potty trained and sleeping through the night... a year? two? I don't know for sure, but I do know that it's not yet. ;)

going to head up to try to get some sleep before the Tiny Terror is awake again... crossing my fingers that all the crying and climbing in & out of bed wore her out and she'll sleep for a few hours at least... cross your fingers eh?


Michelle said...

I struggled with the same thing for a while..."yes, I want another one because I want my Bug to have siblings, but I don't want to go through the newborn/infant stage again!! He's just now getting easier, I'm just now getting SLEEP" I kept thinking, maybe when he's this age, or this age...and of course the hubs was ready like, 6 months ago at least (convenient how the one who isn't the 'main' caretaker in the beginning is the one in a hurry for more??) Finally I decided that having a second is a lot like having the first...if you wait until you feel really "ready", you'll never do it. Its always a bit scary, having a baby...a leap of faith if you will. So we took the leap...and after I got that positive pregnancy test I started thinking, okay, I can do this...then turns out there's two. Oops. But you won't have two, no worries :)

Rusti said...

MICHELLE!!! how did I miss this news?? CONGRATULATIONS!!!! and don't you DARE jinx me!! (my mom is a twin - and it's skipped a generation so far - my chances of twins are pretty darn good!! EEK!!) OHHHH - I'm so excited for you!! congrats congrats congrats!!

RecoveringCoffeeholic said...

Yeah, we put off having another for one more year. The idea of having another kid to raise scares me. It's just so hard to have one as it is!