Tuesday, October 5, 2010

it gets worse before it gets better?

I think I've heard that before? I'm really hoping that it's true, and that the worst is here & gone quickly... in 21 months of parenting (tomorrow) I think this is definitely my most trying time... Saturday while at my parents' house Goose was playing with my niece CJ unsupervised and bit her, hard. Hard enough that she still had marks, missing skin & little scabs yesterday, 2 days after the fact... my sister &I got into a big fight about it, because she & BIL didn't think I did/am doing enough to discipline her, and I'm not much into physical punishment (although I have tried both spanking and biting her back - as suggested to me by many, many people - neither worked anyway... she laughed when I spanked her, and bit me back when I bit her... *sigh*) G also bit children two days in a row at daycare last week, and again yesterday... and then last night while at a friend's birthday party she laid her head on my lap, then out of no-where bit ME. I'm frustrated, upset, at a loss - I just don't know to do. I try to stick with the routine they do at daycare, to keep things consistent, but even this morning her teacher told me that because the biting has increased, they are going to keep Goose a little more isolated from the rest of the class until it decreases again... which totally sucks. I'm absolutely for it, as I don't know how else to deal with the issue, and other than just kicking her out (which they aren't even considering at this point - they love her & say that she's super sweet the rest of the time, they just can't narrow down the triggers) it's the only way that they can think to get it to stop...

I get both my sister's point of view (heck, I'm upset CJ's being bit as well - I feel horrible) and also theirs at daycare (the safety of ALL the children is their top priority) and I just wish that there were some magical "cure" or something... I wish we knew the trigger, so we could take steps to prevent it/them from happening... I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm feeling pretty helpless also, as she almost never bites at home... and it had been a little while since she'd bitten CJ... and we'd gone three days at daycare in a row without any attempts... I thought things were getting better... they're not. They seem to be getting worse...

I did put in a call to G's doctor this morning asking for any suggestions, or advice, or ANYTHING! I'm just waiting for a call-back... I know that daycare is limited in how they discipline children (no physical punishment, etc.) and although my mom's suggestions of the things that worked with us when we misbehaved (washing mouth out with soap, squirting her in the mouth with vinegar water) might work (?) that's not something that can be done at daycare either - and happens rarely enough at home that I don't know when I might next have the opportunity to try it... but I'm up for trying almost anything at this point. well, anything short of ya know, beating my child ;)

thankfully my sister & I are okay again, not before several angry texts and lots of tears, but we're good after chatting this morning... the girls will be under constant supervision when playing together from now on (they usually are anyway, but they were left alone briefly when the latest incident occurred.) I guess I'm just going to keep praying that it gets better soon... and that this is the worst of this stage...

4 comments:

beanie g said...

Rusti, I didn't have a biter, but I did have a screamer. Little bit of soap (liquid) works, but it has to be done immediately when it happens. You might also try teaching her some sign langague or words like NO! That's usually where biting comes from, is an inability to communicate through words (or she's getting some teeth). You can always give her something that's OK to bite (like a frozen washcloth). Hope it helps and trust me, it only gets harder. Eileen G. (from upstairs)

Kelley said...

I'm sorry you are going through this. Drew will occasionally bite while teething, but every time he does it I look at him and give him a firm "No Biting" while moving him back and that usually gets him to stop and he won't do it again, until a few weeks later and he's teething again, so we just repeat. He's really good about that. We do the same thing with hitting, and always tell him soft touches. He seems to have picked up on it. I would say that if it is an anger and frustration thing on her part, that biting her back may only make it worse, because it'll make her think that it is an ok way to deal with frustration. I hope that helps some, but as Drew is so much younger, I don't know if what I do with him will translate to E. A book I read suggested after correcting bad behavior, putting the young child in a time out by just putting her on the floor alone and completely ignoring her for a minute or two, depending on the age. Good luck, hun.

Maria Delgado said...

Yeah, I am not sure how I would handle that situation. Hope she stops biting soon. :(

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

Aww poor mama!! I think what I would do is try to distract her when she does it. Kind of like when my toddler got in a hitting phase...when she'd raise her hand to hit me I'd give her a high five and tickle her. It redirected her behavior instead of entering a never ending loop of discipline, bad behavior, discipline, bad behavior. Good luck!