listening...

it's almost 2am... my alarm will be going off in 4 short hours... yet I sit here, one small room away, listening... I hear the mechanical noise of the projector casting fish across her ceiling, and the lullaby playing softly, I can hear her moans and cries from here, but that's not what I'm listening for... the baby monitor is in front of me... I watch the pendulum tick across the face of the screen indicating her movement... I stare at the temperature reading wondering if she's comfortable... I listen to her movements, her raspy breaths, the small cough, and wait... and wonder... is it the heater causing her to cough and breathe heavier, or might there be some other issue at work? she felt so warm to me earlier, but the thermometer said 98.4... she wakes up sobbing... was it a bad dream? is she in pain? I hate the not-knowing... do I take her upstairs to bed with me, knowing how cold our bedroom will be? or do I sleep in the rocker/recliner in her room, listening, waiting, wondering... soothing and comforting...she seems content, for the moment...

I'll be sleeping in her room tonight...