knowledge is power...

or so the saying goes... and I'm hoping in this case it's true...

y'all know how we've been having biting issues, I mean, it's no secret that my previous few posts weren't exactly happy little joyful posts... they were the ramblings of a disheartened, frustrated, concerned momma... yet today, I have information. more information than I previously had, and the information is good news, and it's helpful, and (I hope) powerful... because it's going to take something powerful to get over this problem... I'm sounding cryptic confusing the hell out of you aren't I? sorry... let me explain hopefully without rambling all over & back while also confusing you even more...

okay, so in the last month I've:

• taken Goose to the doctor, chatted with doctor, left office feeling reassured that this IS normal (and also, Goose is definitely getting 2yr molars in) keep doing what we're doing, things will be okay, this too shall pass. fabulous. felt a lot better though - we love our doctor, she's AMAZING.
• wondered how long Goose would be kept secluded from the rest of the kids in her classroom, while wondering how it was affecting her, or if she even cared. (ended up being about 4ish weeks... and there was a higher level of concern for her well-being on my part the longer it lasted)
• started feeling worse about G being separated, and wondering how it was affecting her at daycare, as it was starting to cause issues at home. i.e. - very clingy, whiny, always had to be held, nightmares started again, stopped sleeping in her own bed, wouldn't let Hubs put her back to bed/sleep when waking in the night, waking more often in the night, talking less, etc.
• contacted a friend of mine who also does deep background checks on child-care providers, seminars on choosing childcare, and other matters relating to children, consulting with daycares and parents on issues they're having, and evaluating programs - to name a few, to see if she would be interested in checking out Goose's situation/daycare to see if she noticed things that the daycare was missing (this with the owner's blessing & support)
• started feeling worse about G's situation after sister attended a class on "guidance & discipline" where she was told that the separation was unacceptable, and that it would cause G serious emotional damage the longer it went on...
• cried. a lot.
• consulted with friend again, providing sister's examples and asking friend's thoughts... her thoughts: depended on how G was feeling about being separated. sometimes it bothered her, sometimes it didn't. most likely against "licensing" regulations, but alternative was most likely being kicked out and bouncing Goose around to different daycares... lesser of two evils?
• friend did official consultation, spending 4 hours one morning, and 2 hours a different afternoon in the classroom observing & taking notes. she also watched 2 hours of video we took at home so she could compare G's personality, character & actions between home & daycare. she learned LOTS. (also learned that owner of daycare watched the video before friend arrived to observe & claim the DVD... I didn't give permission, but neither did she ask it, and nor did I ask her NOT to watch it... still not sure how I feel about that whole thing...)
• had some personal issues with owner based on some mis-communication and misunderstandings on both of our parts related to consultation and costs and how we were handling the situation - was pretty shocking and out of the blue...but we're okay now... (I think)
• calmed sister who was getting very aggressive about Goose's situation (on G's behalf of course...) she felt better after hearing friend had been in to evaluate & observe
• chatted a few times with friend answering questions about thing Goose did or didn't do at home, at school, on the video, etc.... chatted with sister about things friend observed to see if she had noticed any of the same things (she had! bad momma - I hadn't!!)
• was given some additional info from sister (she has connections as well - to DHS Department of Human Services and Early On Assistance Program) about Goose possibly qualifying for Early On, not that they think she has a learning delay or disability exactly, (she could just be shy) or she might just not have the words she needs to communicate her feelings, wants & needs, or she could also have a socio-emotional or sensory disorder...
• asked friend about the Early On stuff... got her thoughts & opinions...

and finally, today, on my lunch break I chatted with her again. in about an hour she will be presenting her official report to the owner of the daycare center, and then we'll talk again, but pretty much, this is what we learned:

Goose is way smart. (which is hopefully going to be my biggest problem with her for many years to come - in that she's always thinking, and thinking about how to manipulate the situation to get the outcome she wants... she's a smarty pants... too smart for her britches!! she's also very strong - which is unrelated, but still, there it is.) It appears that Goose enjoys playing with her friends at times, but she also really enjoys playing without her friends quite often. however, she doesn't have the communication skills to relay this information, and when overwhelmed she instead bites. well, she gives a few signals first... when she's feeling overwhelmed, anxious or frustrated she pulls on her fingers... when she's bored or trying to avoid listening she licks her lips. a.lot. (I'm not talking just a lick of the lips. I'm talking a full-on as-far-as-the-tongue-will-reach swiping of the lips... multiple times - so much that her lips and surrounding face-area were getting multiple-a-day applications of lanolin to combat the chapping) and also - she chews her tongue in these situations as well. (I'd noticed the lip-licking, but not the finger pulling or chewing on lips, cheeks & tongue... friend explained that she just might not DO these things at home, as she is less likely to get to those feelings having less competition for adult attention, and toys, etc... made me feel a little better, but still, I started watching for it at home... only saw any finger pulling once, and no chewing.)

It isn't related to her teething, and it's not even a reaction to frustration - as there were several instances where she was pushed, knocked down or had a toy taken from her (all things that would often lead to a bite in many situations, with many kids) and she didn't even react at all... her teachers told my friend that there were times when she would be playing or snuggling with another child, and be perfectly happy, and THAT is when the bite would occur... she was also observed getting anxious when surrounded by too many kids, after playing with one or two for a little while - like she was tired of playing with them, and ready to play by herself - but didn't know how to tell anyone... soooo...

We're going to work on making sure her teachers & caretakers are aware of (and on the lookout for) her "signals" and we're also going to work on helping her with her communication skills - both sign and verbal... and I think I'm also going to contact Early On to see if they can at least check things out and see what they think. (friend said that she actually might not qualify, as she's sooo smart, and she doesn't think there is any type of developmental delay, but that they might be able to help with the communication issues, and it never hurts to ask!) So. that's my power. I mean knowledge. which I hope is power. and powerful. because I'm tired of all the biting, the stress, the worry, concern, frustration... oh, and of sleeping with a toddler who moves like crazy in the night.*

So, we'll see where this power knowledge gets us... keeping my fingers crossed, and my prayers coming...and I'm interested and curious as to how the owner will react to the report, and where we will go from here... now I'm anxious to hear how that meeting goes!

*when I say "moves like crazy" you can read that as in CLIMBS, ROLLS, KICKS, SMACKS, ELBOWS, LAYS ON MY HEAD and more of the like... ALL.WHILE.ASLEEP. *sigh* oh well, she won't be sleeping with me when she's 5... right? right?

it gets worse before it gets better?

I think I've heard that before? I'm really hoping that it's true, and that the worst is here & gone quickly... in 21 months of parenting (tomorrow) I think this is definitely my most trying time... Saturday while at my parents' house Goose was playing with my niece CJ unsupervised and bit her, hard. Hard enough that she still had marks, missing skin & little scabs yesterday, 2 days after the fact... my sister &I got into a big fight about it, because she & BIL didn't think I did/am doing enough to discipline her, and I'm not much into physical punishment (although I have tried both spanking and biting her back - as suggested to me by many, many people - neither worked anyway... she laughed when I spanked her, and bit me back when I bit her... *sigh*) G also bit children two days in a row at daycare last week, and again yesterday... and then last night while at a friend's birthday party she laid her head on my lap, then out of no-where bit ME. I'm frustrated, upset, at a loss - I just don't know to do. I try to stick with the routine they do at daycare, to keep things consistent, but even this morning her teacher told me that because the biting has increased, they are going to keep Goose a little more isolated from the rest of the class until it decreases again... which totally sucks. I'm absolutely for it, as I don't know how else to deal with the issue, and other than just kicking her out (which they aren't even considering at this point - they love her & say that she's super sweet the rest of the time, they just can't narrow down the triggers) it's the only way that they can think to get it to stop...

I get both my sister's point of view (heck, I'm upset CJ's being bit as well - I feel horrible) and also theirs at daycare (the safety of ALL the children is their top priority) and I just wish that there were some magical "cure" or something... I wish we knew the trigger, so we could take steps to prevent it/them from happening... I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm feeling pretty helpless also, as she almost never bites at home... and it had been a little while since she'd bitten CJ... and we'd gone three days at daycare in a row without any attempts... I thought things were getting better... they're not. They seem to be getting worse...

I did put in a call to G's doctor this morning asking for any suggestions, or advice, or ANYTHING! I'm just waiting for a call-back... I know that daycare is limited in how they discipline children (no physical punishment, etc.) and although my mom's suggestions of the things that worked with us when we misbehaved (washing mouth out with soap, squirting her in the mouth with vinegar water) might work (?) that's not something that can be done at daycare either - and happens rarely enough at home that I don't know when I might next have the opportunity to try it... but I'm up for trying almost anything at this point. well, anything short of ya know, beating my child ;)

thankfully my sister & I are okay again, not before several angry texts and lots of tears, but we're good after chatting this morning... the girls will be under constant supervision when playing together from now on (they usually are anyway, but they were left alone briefly when the latest incident occurred.) I guess I'm just going to keep praying that it gets better soon... and that this is the worst of this stage...

if it's not one thing, it's another... this bites.

literally.

we finally seemed to be done with the nightmare thing, Goose is sleeping again, fairly regularly and well (not straight through the night or anything, but a LOT better than several weeks ago) and things were getting back to normal-ish...

until yesterday morning... when I got a call from G's teacher letting me know that she'd bitten someone else... and made a second attempt... *sigh* I was bummed, as she'd been doing so well with not biting lately (of course - as soon as you think you're done, it comes back to bite you in the bum - no pun intended.) previously someone would just let me know when I picked her up that she'd had an incident or whatever, but they're making some changes in the toddler room, including a log of when biting/hitting/etc. occur, to try to track the events and see if there is a pattern perhaps... one of the other changes is that now instead of being told at the end of the day, they're now calling the parents to let them know... so yesterday morning, which had started out rough anyway - didn't improve at all. thankfully, Goose did great the rest of the day, no more incidents!

until about 10am... when I got another call... again, from G's teacher, telling me that G had bit... again. but this time - for the first time ever - she bit another child on.the.face. I'm upset. I'm frustrated. I'm concerned (both for the other child, and about Goose too.) G's teacher said that this time she and another child were really getting into each others' space, and it just happened...(teacher saw it happening from across the room, but couldn't get to them quickly enough to prevent/stop it.) What am I doing wrong? What is causing her to bite others? She almost never bites at home... almost never meaning that it's happened a few times, but I can't even recall the last time... she's been doing so well lately... maybe I jinxed her... I don't know.

thankfully her daycare is used to this type of thing in this age range, thankfully also - she's not the only one biting (ohthankgoodness) and her teachers are handling the situation as they're best able, they also reassure me that it's really NOT my fault, that there really isn't anything that I can do (well, unless she's doing it at home too, but we've covered that already, so, nothing I can do!) and that this too, shall pass... you know, eventually.

ugh. so frustrating, upsetting... *sigh* help.

last night... we gave in

to the help of pain meds that is... well, and Goose herself.

I knew yesterday morning that something was going on, as she hadn't slept the greatest Wednesday night (as in, she refused to let Hubs get her back to sleep when she woke up around 3am... she cried until he brought her up to our bed to cuddle up with Momma) and when we left the house and got in the car she was fussy and crying, which is not the norm - she's usually thrilled to "go!" anywhere. she also cried and tried to prevent being put in her carseat - also unusual for her...

then in the afternoon I went to an event on my lunch hour advocating children's health & education and ran into the Director (Miss J) from her daycare, who said that G was having a rough day (translate that to read: had bitten other kid/s TWICE already) but she reassured me that they were keeping an eye on her & the rest of the kids, as well as were implementing a "bite log" to start keeping track of the kids' biting habits to see if there is any type of pattern. I headed back to work fairly unconcerned, it's not the first time she's bitten, and they know what they are doing.

well.... when I arrived to pick her up around 5:30 I found her in the arms of Miss J herself (who really is awesome and we love lots) and she looked unhappy :( Miss J said that she'd ended up having bitten FIVE times throughout the day, didn't nap well and had been crying for me for the last hour (WAY unusual!! she hasn't cried for me since the first month we started her there - 9 months ago!) and she thought perhaps G wasn't feeling the best... she did feel a little warm to me, and cried the entire 10 minute car ride home...

once we arrived home she was cranky, fussy, whiny, and cried for reasons unknown to Hubs & I... she cried when trying to eat, she cried when she was put down, she cried when I left the room - so we chalked it up to her not feeling well, and upon noticing the rabid-dog style drooling assumed that she was most likely FINALLY cutting her 2-year molars... and man - they SUCK. so we gave in, and gave her some Ibuprofin - which seemed to help - she actually slept from 7pm-11pm without waking up - it was nice! (even though she's usually not in bed until after 8:30-9:00pm) but around 11pm she woke up, and was in no mood to go back to bed in the near future...

I finally took her to bed (hers) around 12:15am and I spent the entire night in a toddler bed... with a cranky, miserable toddler who woke up crying every 30-45 minutes - she cried during her bottle, she cried in her sleep, she cried for no discernible reason, other than that she was probably hurting... I felt terrible for her - and upon getting up this morning - myself as well, because the screwy sleep resulted in a lovely migraine for me. neither of us were at our best this morning, that's for sure.

I should also mention - when in the throes of a migraine, I do not make sound judgements. you'd like an example? I have just the thing! in an effort to get a little more rest and give my Maxalt time to kick in, I put her highchair at it's lowest level and set her up with a kitchen chair pulled up to it so she could get down when she was done... while I rested on the loveseat (just a room away) and she chattered and I responded... and then her little feet came running in, and I open my eyes JUST in time to see my little Goose reaching for me with hands coated in yogurt... also coated: her legs, feet, arms, face & hair... oh yes. she used it like some people use body lotion (and hair product!) so yeah. bad.idea.

on a positive note: we had our first ever mommy-daughter shower wherein there was no crying or screaming during it (yes, I managed to hold back the emotions - kidding. she's not a fan of the water in her face - but she apparently LOVES to fill her cup up and then dump it on MOMMA'S head - it was a giggle-filled shower this time. thankgoodness.)

so. I'm really hoping that she has a better day (although I'm leery, I finally dropped her off almost 3 hours later than normal and she FELL ASLEEP on the drive there - ya know, the 10 minute drive. fingers are crossed! I did tell her teachers that if she had a really rough day to give me a call and I'd come get her... it's been 4 hours and so far - I haven't had a call) *knocking on wood* and hoping that this passes quickly as it's Hubs' weekend to work... yep. single parent weekend. woo hoo. (wish me luck?)

it's been 3 months...

... and I want to blog, I just don't know what to say... I guess I'll just start rambling, and see where that takes us... so yeah. the last time I blogged was November... and it wasn't really a "real" post... it was me saying "hey, I'm going to blog!" and then... well... three months later, here I am.

Okay. the last real post was May... and it ended pretty abruptly... I feel the need to recap what's happened since then, but seriously? recapping the past 9 months in one post? not gonna happen. nor would anyone WANT to read all that in one post... I promise I'm going to start blogging the journal entries, but for now - I guess it's just picking up from here...

it's February... Goose is now 13.5 months old and I can't BELIEVE how the time has flown... it seems like it was just yesterday that she was all teeny tiny and snuggled up in my arms all the time... now she's walking all over, talking gibberish like crazy (as well as saying "mom" and "hi" consistently) she loves to dance, she loves music and singing (and even MY singing... which can be compared to someone killing a cat... I guess she isn't picky as long as there's a beat?) and bounces and bops her head with the music... she's so much fun, I just can't get over it! She's still cuddly, but mostly just at night when she's tired, or when we're in large crowds or around strangers... otherwise she wants to be walking around checking everything out :)

We're weaning right now, which has actually been going pretty well... last night we managed to go the whole night with only one nursing time (3am of course!) and she'd had a 7oz bottle of cow's milk around 9:30pm and had a couple Puffs & Goldfish at 7am while I was getting ready this morning... I had mixed feelings about weaning, as I LOVED nursing (much as I loved being pregnant - both were such awesome experiences for me that I just knew I was going to miss them... being a mom is SO much better than being pregnant though!!) and while I was thinking that I'd miss the bonding that went with nursing, I've since realized that we're sooo closely bonded already (anyone that knows Goose can tell you she's a TOTAL "Momma's Girl") :) and we bond every day over other things, singing, playing, sharing food (she LOVES "real" food!! much like her momma!!) and when hubs is working - giving her a bottle... (he loves to cuddle her while giving her a bottle, so when he is home, he gets to do this) Also, the actual nursing was starting to get "old" - and by that I mean, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be... she was losing interest, so we'd get settled and even with my Mommy Necklaces (which we both LOVE!!) she'd still pull off to look at every little sound (like 13 times!) or only nurse for a few minutes before wanting to get down to play... then come back 5 minutes later wanting to do it again... also, while she never bites me, those sharp little teeth did start to rub and be uncomfortable (luckily that's usually only when she's teething!) so I figured it was just "time" to start weaning... and I know now that it was the right choice. We're almost weaned, and we're doing very well with it!

Sleeping, on the other hand... not going as smoothly. We've been "those" parents since the very beginning... you know, the ones who co-sleep... :) and when Goose was 8 months old my mom came over to babysit so hubs & I could go to the movies - and she put Goose in her crib and there she slept! GREAT! for an entire MONTH. and then, we had the week from hell, where Goose didn't sleep for longer than an hour and a half. at a time. for a complete seven nights. which of course had her in our bed again, mostly sleeping sitting up leaning against me... as it ended up, she had a sinus infection (poor baby! those SUCK!) and once she was feeling better... she was teething again... and in our bed. again. (not that I minded terribly, I LOVE having her snuggled up against me... it's the most she lets me snuggle anymore!) and that was followed by a cold... followed by more teething... followed by a new daycare (which she started on Jan. 4th - more about that later!)... and then ANOTHER sinus infection/teething issue... and NOW it's the whole Toddler Regression thing - you know, learning how to walk, talk, etc. sets them back in other areas... most often SLEEPING... also, dealing with a little bit of hitting, pinching and biting... oh the joys of Toddlerhood :) Once we get back into the groove though, and things are settled down - we're going to start working on getting her back into her crib... I've actually had success moving her from our bed to the Pack & Play that's next to our bed several times in the last couple of weeks, but I don't know what it is, as soon as I start leaning over the crib to lay her down, she's immediately awake and crying/screaming... confusion ensues. work in progress.

ahhh yes, and then there is daycare... when Goose was born, we decided that we were going to go with an in-home daycare for her... it was cheaper, she'd have more "comfortable" care, and there was one well recommended by a friend of a friend just around the corner... started out there, things were going well, we liked A very much. Goose seemed to be getting all the attention and care that she needed, and I was pleased. For a bit. Then A started treating me like a new mom... you know, she'd kinda listen to my concerns or thoughts, then dismiss them and do what she thought was best, she'd tell me how to mother my own child... she started feeding Goose cereal before we wanted her eating it (based on G's doctor's recommendation)... she gave her Tylenol whenever she wanted and took her shopping without permission... the final straw was the day that even though I'd told her that Goose was going through a phase of being clingy and having separation anxiety, A said to me "she needs to learn that she isn't going to be picked up all the time. So, she's being ignored here, and I hope you're doing the same at home because it would really help me out" combined with getting home that night with bottles that had been at A's house to find that they had nasty black mold caked around the nipple between the nipple and the neck. That was it for me. No more. Luckily it was a fairly easy break on our end... that day was a Tuesday, A was scheduled to take a 2-week vacation starting the following Monday, and my sister-in-law C had been laid off since the beginning of June and was all set to watch Goose for those two weeks... well, I called A and told her about the bottles. She honestly seemed horrified, swore it wouldn't happen again, etc... and I let Goose finish out the week there (some may think I'm crazy for this, but with the latest development, I knew A would be on her best behavior, and I didn't know what I was going to do about the situation yet, so... she went back...) after I picked her up on Friday I sent A an e-mail (yes, I'm a chicken-shit who hates confrontation) and told her that it had been Goose's last day there. We'd gotten a call from a church daycare that we'd been on a waiting list for that had an opening, and we were jumping on the chance to get G in with other kids her age (6months old at the time) - and this was partially true... one of the daycare centers I was very interested in DID have an immediate opening if we wanted it... but we hadn't been on their waiting list, and we didn't end up going there, it was WAY out of our budget... but it was the easy-way-out-excuse, and I took it.

Goose ended up staying with C through the end of the year, and on January 4th - she started at a new daycare center... this one is only 10 minutes from our house, is much more affordable than others in the area, the owner had a group-home daycare for 12 years before opening the center - and several of her employees have been with her since then - and it just seemed to be a good fit... I had a good feeling about it. The first two weeks were rough, as G went from being in a house with her aunt with LOTS of one-on-one time while C's boys were at school, to being in a room with 7ish other babies, and 6 new caregivers (3 in the morning and 3 in the afternoon)... it was a BIG change for her, and she didn't eat well, nap well or play well those first two weeks... she had to be held almost constantly, and cried if put down...she cried when I left in the mornings, she cried when I arrived in the evenings... it was a rough two weeks for both of us! week 3 was better, started eating & napping well, and didn't need to be held quite as much... she could be put down as long as "her person" was near her on the floor and she started playing with other babies & toys...although she was still clingy at drop-off, and started fussing as soon as she saw me at pick-up... week 4 was like a whole new Goose. She had made the transition! We're on week 7 now, and she willingly goes to another person when I drop her off in the mornings, she eats well (and is eating the same food as the rest of the kids who aren't on baby food anymore!) she naps well (on a COT! without a bottle or anything! just her blanket & some rocking!) she's playing with other kids well (except for a few biting incidents) and when I arrive to pick her up - she smiles and brings toys over to show me... I've got the owner as well as a couple of her teachers as Facebook friends and they keep me updated on her day... they send me pics via cell-phone and e-mail of her doing new things, or just because... and they're SUPER BIG on communication... Goose loves it there, I love being able to relax knowing she's getting wonderful care, and they love her there. It's all good. :)

soooooo.... that's my update for right now... hopefully I'll get myself back in here more regularly so I don't have HUGE gaps and such LONG posts... and also, I am going to post those journal entries... one of these days :) if I had it with me at work today, I'd start now... but I don't...